Oscar Award Winning Performance


Master 11 is currently going through a very dramatic stage in his life. I just witnessed him walking into the corner of the bench, its angular corner jutting into the bottom of his rib cage. Jumping up and down he yells “OOOOWWWWW!” in an accusatory manner.

He always does shit like this because he absolutely refuses to look where he is going. I don’t know why, but it really enrages me. I have explained over and over again what would happened if I drove forwards while looking backwards. Once I observed him making an entire peanut butter sandwich whilst not taking his eyes off the TV.

So when he crashes into the bench I start to laugh. I can’t help it, when someone hurts themselves, I automatically start to laugh. I don’t know if it is anxiety or just immaturity, but I can’t stop myself from laughing. Usually, if the person in question gets angry, it only serves in making me laugh more. The general rule of thumb is that the harder I try to stuff the laughter in, the more hilarious I find the situation.

I have gotten Master 11 at a sensitive moment, because as soon as I laugh he responds by crying extremely loudly. I think you would call it a wail. Which only results in escalating my laughter. Which only intensifies his wailing. I try to stop laughing, pressing my lips tightly together, biting the inside of my lip-tears now making their way down my beetroot red face. He reminds me of an Italian soccer player crying foul.

He starts to shriek, “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? YOU HAVE NO EMPATHY? CAN’T YOU FIND A SHRED OF EMPATHY? WHAT ARE YOU, A SERIAL KILLER? I AM DYING RIGHT NOW, YOUR ONLY SON AND YOU LAUGH?”I guess he did listen to my discussions around traits of a psychopath!

My poor son. If only he had a more mature mother!


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